Photo: Nicola Finch
What is a Death Doula
A death doula, or an end of life doula provides companionship, comfort, and guidance to those facing a terminal illness or death and their family. I provide non-medical, holistic support that looks to address the emotional, spiritual and practical needs of the dying person and their family. I offer non judgemental and compassionate listening and guidance around making informed decisions in a supportive environment. My work is to empower informed decision making and foster maximum self determination for the individual and family.
Photo: Trevor Barcelo
A Deeper Dive into how I can help you…
I provide the opportunity to speak openly and frankly about dying. I am seasoned in this work and have knowledge that is potent and useful but often not addressed by all the medical personnel surrounding the dying person. While my role is non-medical (I do not perform clinical or medicalized tasks) my family centered approach means that the individual and their family form the unit of care. I do not take the place of a partner, a family member or other care providers. I guide and support this care unit.
I help patients and their families advocate for themselves with medical personnel. My role is one of empowerment. I work to provide informed decision making and foster maximum self determination for the individual and their family.
My approach is holistic and my goal is to address both the biopsychosocial aspects of the whole person and provide support in that context. Goal setting and longevity mindset work is a cornerstone to the support I provide. A strong mindset increases the quality of life, and I believe in more than one case for my patients has helped to lengthen life with advanced disease.
Within the framework of the guiding principles named above, here are some more specific tasks you could expect of me to help with as your death doula –​
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Goal setting/Mind Set work as a corner stone
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Practical advice with scheduling, problem solving, organizing and prioritizing
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Anticipatory guidance – education on how to prepare for future issues
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Self care tips to increase resiliency – support groups, respite, coping skills
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Explore the meaning of the dying person’s life and legacy
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Talk about creating an advance care directive
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Discuss and support end of life care planning
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Incorporate traditions or new rituals to mark special moments
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Explain the signs and symptoms of the dying process
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Process the emotions and experiences with loved ones
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A presence and guide if death is near
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Guide people through the early stages of grieving
Photo: Georgia Harris
You or your loved one just got a life limiting diagnosis, now what?
In modern medicine, a life limiting diagnosis doesn’t mean death is imminent. Death could be years away. I use the term life-limiting specifically. Life limiting means its time to plan for life in a way that takes into account a new and highly specific set of circumstances around health and happiness. It has been my experience that folks who chose to work with me often outlive their medical prognosis – and they outlive it in a rich and meaningful way. It is possible to be alive, but not be living.
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Our work together is personal and specific. We will determine what your goals are, what you want your life to look like in the time ahead. I bring an open mind to each family I work with, no two sets of circumstances are ever alike and my most essential work is to listen carefully and help you move toward the outcomes that you and your loved ones have determined are most important.
My experience as a grief counselor illuminated the fact that many people and their families experience medical trauma while receiving care for a life limiting illness. This is due to a complicated confluence of factors and has nothing to do with how intelligent you may be or how skilled the care your loved one may be receiving. The folks I work with are typically receiving world class medical care here at Longwood in Boston, and sometimes further afield. My experience has helped me to foresee the complex set of circumstances that can lead to unnecessary pain and suffering and to help empower decision-making. Health care and life care is highly intricate and people often feel emotionally overwhelmed and unprepared to make the highly impactful decisions that can be urgently set before them one after another.
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When its time to turn our minds to dying, I will support you in that also. Many of us have no experience in dying and end of life. Yet besides birth it is one of the most important and organic acts that is foretold for each of us. We will all die, we just don’t know the date of that event. How we exit the earth and how our loved ones support us in doing so is some of the most meaningful and important work of a life time. Consider the guidance we readily all acknowledge must be present at birth. The end of life is the same and deserves all of the love and attention of a passage that is as important as the start of life.